Depression

Why is this such a taboo topic with some people in our day and age? I have no clue. So I will open the door. Yes, I have depression. Especially since the past 4 weeks or so. It comes and goes but the past week or so it has really hit me. See, I have a history of depression and I used to be on meds but stopped taking them. I felt through exercise I could control it. It worked until I got pregnant. Ever since Kyle it seems to have crept up and gotten worse. Especially since with him I was on an IV; with Lauren I was seperated from my ex, had to move twice before finally moving in with Micau. Stressed about money. Stressed about having two young ones at home. Stressed about weight. And this brings me to this past week. I have gained four pounds and for some reason knowing this has put me in a very bad state. Also the fact that we have no idea exactly what we are going to do about the wedding. I have been really stressed out about what to do for some reason. It shouldn't be that way for something that originally no one was going to be at and was just going to be a JP wedding. Everything started getting complicated with no one being happy. So Micau and I decided to not decide anything this month and we will talk about next month, once everyone has gotten used to the idea and the excitement calms down. Then he said he and I will discuss what we want without worrying about what our families want. So thats okay. However, I still feel the pressure to make a decision and I have put pressure on myself to lose weight. Because of this, I think is why I gained. I know it seems crazy to let something like this affect me but it does. I feel better when I feel good about myself; right now I don't feel good about myself. Micau says I look beautiful, that I am attractive and sexy the way I am; I don't need to lose weight. But I feel like I do. So this week I am going to forget about my weight and workout because I want to; because I know it makes me feel good about me. That's what working out is for me. I get to meditate, to pray, to unwind and destress. I have made it into a weight issue. So I am not going to step on the scale this week..hopefully not next week either (I hope I can do this). The scale has become my enemy. So wish me well and if you could keep me in your prayers. Thanks.