Guilt

I was at bible study this morning (we are doing a Beth Moore one) talking about being the light of the world and bearing fruit. This depresses me. Why? Well as a mother I have made many mistakes...especially with Katherine. Her young years (meaning birth until now) have been a roller coaster ride. I wasn't exactly perfect and I didn't know anything about raising a kid; especially at 19. I didn't have family around. I wasn't in the right emotional frame of mind. I didn't have a great upbringing. I have made huge, major mistakes. Although I have prayed and asked for forgiveness, I can't seem to get rid of the guilt I have nor forgive myself. How does one shed that cloak? Even with the birth of my two younger ones I have made some mistakes already. I'm a yeller; I yell alot. I am trying to break this habit. I really am. During discussion one of the ladies mentioned that sometimes sin is the easier path..we don't do what's right because that takes time and effort; its just easier to judge, lie, or be in whatever sin you are in instead of turning away from it. I think this is true with raising kids. Its easier to ignore them at times and let them run wild then to always correct them or even to play with them. Its easier to yell at them than to be calm and rational and patient and tell them and redirect them to good behavior. So as I continue to strive to not yell (which has good days and bad days) how am I affecting my older child? She is old enough to remember all the past and now and how will she raise her children. Will she yell? I hope not. I hope that I can stop that behavior and be more patient with her as I tend to yell at her more than anyone. Maybe its the age. But seriously, how does one shed that cloak of guilt, shame, and yelling? Prayer just doesn't seem to be working. I want to let go of this...I really do. I just don't know how..even after prayer. Maybe I'm praying the wrong thing. Anyone have any advice?